Just a short update:
I just had my Sec 3 Camp at Sarimbun with the SA boys..it was totally boring, if only the teachers there were my friends...haha...anyway, I'm really tired after that camp.
Soon after that camp was CNY. I don't even feel the CNY mood in me, and it just past like this...Time passes so fast, and everything just whizzed past me so quickly...I couldn't even feel anything.
Have been teaching for almost a month, and I dreaded work almost, though not all, everyday. Why? I can't answer it myself...I don't know. I am just so not happy. Boi told me to be positive with everything. I've tried, and went to school with a good mood, BUT my enthusiasm will always be destroyed. I just hope to end this contract soon, and get out of this school. Yup, this is how I feel. However, my parents would want me to continue. Sense the dilemma in me?
My purpose of life.....is it to fulfill what my parents want? to stick to something that I do not have even a slightest liking? I don't know how other teachers motivate themselves and can stay onto this job for years, I just feel that I'm struggling for survival each day. No doubt that I enjoyed teaching and gotten positive feedbacks from the students (when they understand and remember what I have taught)...but these are the RARE ones. I was so so disheartened to see students who came to school, not wanting to learn...nvm if they don't want to learn....they disrupt the class and don't even give the teachers face. Humiliate and provoke the teachers, and they feel that they will be happy with this. Teachers are human beings too!
That's why I said, I can't be a teacher...not a successful one. Can anyone tolerate humiliation? I can't. I'm so worried about the future of my country. Students like these, what will it be like when they step into the society?
Teach me, how to stay positive? I really need help.
Thanks.
